omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
