so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
