Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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