I'm so fucking centered right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
