at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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