I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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