I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He passed out mid-signature
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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