I just pynch a tree in the face
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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