Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
