You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
