that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its liver damage thursday
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