Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
