so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
