Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
