I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
