Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
