possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
