Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
