I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
