I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
