i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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