apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
