I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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