Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
