is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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