Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
