haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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