i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
