So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
