this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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