We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
