Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
