went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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