4 words: hood of his car
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
