he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
