i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
