They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
