I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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