I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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