how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize