Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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