Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
