The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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