there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
