as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
