Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
