you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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