i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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