Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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