Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize