I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
