If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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