Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
