I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize