Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
