dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
