All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
