Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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