to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
