You can't motorboat a personality
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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