Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
