Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
