bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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