unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
