I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
