No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
