I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
